I weighed 95 kilos not too long back. At least 95. I cannot say for sure since I never actually checked. I dreaded getting onto the scale. The scale was my Everest, that one step harder for me than anything I had ever done. As is the case with denial, I knew I was delusional in my hope of magically losing the weight.
I have been fat all my life. I was fat in school, fat when I went through engineering, fat when I graduated with my masters degree, and fat when I got my first job. I was fat when I decided to lose weight, fat when I lost my motivation to lose weight, and fat when I lost all hope of ever facing the weighing scale. Today, I weigh 59 kilos, and have a great toned body. It didn’t happen overnight, or over a few weeks. But it did happen. I share my story here to offer hope to all of those people who, like me, may have lived in denial. Who may have lost some weight and given up on losing more. Who might have accepted their weight problems as permanent. To those people who may think they are destined to be fat, I offer my example.
I was never very physically active. In school, I did participate in shot put but that only required me to run three steps and fling a metal ball. Needless to say, shot put didn’t help me to lose weight. As I went through life, I was faced with all kinds of activities that could have helped with weight loss. I also interacted with highly energetic people for whom the idea of being fat was alien. I came to realize that I was just inherently lazy. Yes, no excuses there, I was just plain lazy. Every day my laziness grew and with it, I grew fatter. I didn’t have any kind of childhood or parenting issues to blame for my weight. At one point, I just realized that my weight issues were the most outward symptom of my complacent attitude towards my body. I was desperate to lose weight, but not strong enough to take the necessary actions. I led a sedentary lifestyle which involved incessant eating while sitting around watching television. Sometimes, I found it painful to even get up and get a glass of water. This led me to becoming an introvert, and I lost confidence to interact with people. I sat at home and ate, overate, and did not venture out of the house, which led to more eating and this grew into a vicious cycle of eating, sitting, and growing.
At some point, I summoned all my mental strength and decided to do something about my weight. Strangely, I don’t remember hitting rock bottom or any single incident that made me realize I need to do something. I took to the treadmill, the elliptical, the stair master, and other such machines as my companions on my journey to lose weight. I started seeing some results, but lost motivation quickly. Once again, I had only myself to blame. The gym routine got boring. I was doing the same cyclical routines everyday and had to drag myself to the workout sessions. I did enjoy some freedom with my eating habits when I was going to the gym. I felt less guilty about eating a normal sized meal since I was burning away the calories. But this led me to another dark passage of my life. Bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder in which you throw up everything you eat. The fear of putting on weight made me regurgitate whatever I ingested. I ate with a false sense of satisfaction during all my meals. I ate with freedom knowing that I would forcefully expel the food from my body at the end of the meal. This went on for almost two years. I had not yet learnt how to manage my relationship with food, jumping from one extreme to another. Eventually, I gave up on the gym as well, since it was just too boring. I did lose weight during the Bulimia days, but I became very weak. My immune system suffered and my health took a nose dive. At some point through this episode of life, I understood that losing weight was not an end in itself. I had to lose weight in a healthy way, so that both my mind and body would be strong.
Bulimia was consuming me entirely. I had to make a major lifestyle change. Looking back, that might have been the ‘Eureka’ moment of my weight loss journey, and my life. I joined hot yoga, with the sole intent of losing weight. And it worked. It worked wonders. The sweating and stretching flushed my system entirely and gave me a thoroughly refreshed feeling. I started to lose weight in a holistic and wholesome manner, and my relationship with food improved. Slowly, but surely, yoga started to act against my inherent laziness. I became more active than I ever was. Hot yoga led me towards power yoga, which transformed my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual attitudes entirely.
I practice three hours of power yoga everyday, resulting in the regulation of all my internal metabolic processes. Power yoga has enabled a controlled appetite, subdued my cravings for irregular and unhealthy meals, and instilled within me a peace of mind that I’ve never experienced before. I have brought my weight down to 59 kilos, and on the way achieved a svelte body shape that I thought was just not for me. Today, my happiness is boundless. The weight loss has given me a boost in self esteem and confidence. Today, I am assured that I can independently tackle anything that comes my way. My journey is not complete, and it will continue as long as life itself. I can only hope that my experiences can offer hope, solace, and motivation for others who have struggled with their weight. It is never too late to make a positive change in your life, so why not start today.